Why It's So Hard to Know How You're Doing as a Father
- Published on
We all share a fundamental desire: to be good dads. We strive to be patient, supportive, playful, and consistently present. We want to protect, teach, and love without fail. But there's a quiet truth many fathers keep to themselves: we often don't truly know how we're doing.
We Judge Ourselves by the Last Bad Moment
Think about it. You might have carefully read a bedtime story, cooked a delicious dinner, fixed a broken toy, and filled your child's day with laughter. But if you lost your temper at bedtime, even just for a moment, that's the part that sticks. Our memories are heavily influenced by emotion, and negative moments often feel heavier, overshadowing the complete picture of our day.
The result? A persistent, unclear sense of guilt or simply emotional noise that makes it incredibly difficult to grow and improve.
Why Reflection Feels Impossible
Life as a parent is demanding. You come home tired, the house is loud, and there's barely enough time to clean up, let alone process your thoughts. You're not going to suddenly become a journaling monk, nor are you likely to have deep, reflective conversations every single night.
So, the days blur into one another. Some feel "good," others "bad," but it's all based on guesswork. And in the background, that quiet, nagging question lingers: Am I doing okay as a dad?
What If You Could See Yourself More Clearly?
Imagine if you could zoom out and see the overall landscape of your parenting, rather than just the chaos of today. What if you could easily notice what's improving, recognize patterns (like triggers for stress or moments of genuine connection), and feel less lost in the fog of daily emotions?
You don't need to be perfect. But you can be aware. And awareness is the powerful first step towards growth.
Mindfulness Is Not Just for Yogis
You don't need to dedicate hours to meditation or write lengthy essays in a journal. All you need is a tiny pause. Just a few seconds a day. A simple mental check-in:
- What went well today?
- What didn't?
- How did I feel?
- What do I want to remember?
- This small, consistent habit can shift everything—not just how you parent, but how you perceive yourself as a father.
A Call to Fathers
We need more tools, more language, and more spaces for men to reflect on parenthood, not just perform it. Beyond providing and protecting, we need to grow.
If you've ever felt like you're navigating this journey alone, please know: you're not.
And if you've ever wished for a better way to reflect—something small, practical, and honest—that's exactly what I'm building next.
Coming soon: a new way to track your journey as a father.
Want to hear when it’s ready?